maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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