Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
