So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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