using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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