If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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