I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
