Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
