He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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