Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
