If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
