when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
