Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
