i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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