Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I intend to get homeless drunk
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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