The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
