Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
