Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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