you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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