Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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