Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
