words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
