we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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