i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
