Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
