it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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