You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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