Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
