A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
