Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
