You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
