I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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