Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Randomize
