The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
