Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
This is the high leading the old right now
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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