He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
