I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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