Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
