We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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