Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
