My first STD was from a foam party
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
