im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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