He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
i think i just lost a toe
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
