I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
