I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
