Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
