maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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