Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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