i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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