last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
