My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
